I’ve learned something new this past weekend, something that has taken me by pleasant surprise. It has to do with fantasies and fairytales. Or maybe not…
I’ve been in and out of quite a few relationships over the years. Perhaps the one thing that they all had in common was something that I assumed was natural, but something which I’m now learning is not at all natural – creating fantasies about my girl of interest. Not sex fantasies or anything weird or kinky, just fantasizing about who she is as a person – things like how she would react to me or what she would say to me in different situations. Those are the kinds of things I’ve too often lived and relived with the girls in my life. Until now.
Now I find myself thinking about things that really happen. Now I find myself reliving memories rather than fantasies. Things like how she laughs at my stupid jokes, how she sasses me when I sneak in some wit of word on her, how we laugh together when we trip over each other on the dance floor, how her pupils dilate to the size of saucers when she looks at me or talks to me… These aren’t things that happened somewhere deep in the caverns of my own head. They’re things that really happened.
I never knew before how much I was missing. I created my own fairytales because I longed for a forlorn reality that takes two to create. I thought it was enough.
But now I see how it was meant to be. Fairytales aren’t supposed to be something we imagine. They’re supposed to be memories we live.