Yes, these times come to me every so often – times when I find it necessary to look in the mirror and evaluate the man I see. I’ve had a great deal on my mind over the past few weeks, mostly things about work, school, and relationships. I’ve also been facing a number of phantoms from my past. Overall, I’ve become discouraged I think.
Earlier this week, I was talking to a young Christian man who is majoring in engineering about his struggle in finding worth as a minister in his field of study. He’s facing many of the same struggles I face with it. “Just do your best” and “Whatever you do, do it to the glory of God” only go so far with someone like me. I’m an analyst. I’m a scientist. I’m an artist. I’m a performer. From all these viewpoints, I need to see clear progress – feedback that I’m doing what I need to be doing. I need my protocols to either work or fail so I can learn and improve. I need my audience to clap or boo so I know how I’m being received.
But for the past few weeks, I have not seen those results. That makes me feel that I’m just in limbo – treading water waiting for something… not even sure what. I feel that I haven’t slid backward, but I don’t feel that I’m making progress in much of anything right now.
Yes, I’m pretty sure I’m discouraged. I need to change up some things to see if I can make some progress.