First frost, the dawn of Summer’s apprehension. Cold breeze, Luna’s embrace, her kisses dancing on my lips. Darkness, a playground for all things unseen. The welling of my very soul to burst forth, as the earth yet in the womb, to dance in the silence as the world prepares to into Winter’s sleep.
It is a summoning I cannot follow. I live with an internal battle being fought, that which I know I should do against that which every ounce of my nature desires. It is with me always. But Autumn seems to amplify it to nearly unbearable levels, as it has done all my life. The safe control I command over myself thins from certainty to mere probability, the aspect of which is both liberating and frightening. To not know how I will react, to not know what I will do… Even after so many years of trying to tame this beast within, I find him stronger than ever. And like the full moon signaling the wolves’ hunt, Autumn calls to me yet again. She is like a sultry maiden in a maze garden, teasing just beyond reach, always around the next corner or behind the next shrub. I cannot keep from hunting her, even though I know I will never possess her. She is the cold wind that slips through my grasp.
Yet I must not hunt. I must not think. I must not imagine. All I can do is to bind myself in chains, to sit and watch through my dungeon window the beautiful night. And until she passes by and takes Winter’s leave, I will do my best to sleep.