To The Lady In The Mist

· Creativity

I sit here, gazing into the darkness of the night sky as a cloud tumbles overhead in the wind. In it, I see light reflected from below, here on the surface, and I wonder what lights are shining into this mist. I wonder what faces might gaze into it, as does mine, and I wonder if somewhere in the mist there is a tiny reflection of your face as we gaze into it together…

I’ve heard they’re telling you things about me. I’ve heard they’re telling you that I’m broken. They’re telling you that it’s up to you to fix me, and they’re telling you that you must endure what you must to reach me, to help me, to win me with your love. Then I’ve heard they’re telling you that it isn’t your place to fix me. They’re telling you that your need to nurture me is misplaced, misguided, and misunderstood. They’re telling you that it is foolishness that must be cast off.

I can only imagine the confusion in your heart. I can only imagine the conflict you must feel. To be told to go right, then left…To be told to feel, then to not feel…To be told to trust, then to not trust…to be told to love, then to not love…

But this, Love, this is the truth about me. Indeed, I am broken, and it is true you cannot fix me. You see, deep inside my soul, there is a fire that can never be extinguished, a fire that rages and burns through my being. It makes me strong. It makes me hardened. It makes me unfeeling.

Can I live like this? Oh, yes, I can, as I have for many, many years. But when I see the beauty of your sweet smile, the fire starts to subside. When I hear the softness of your sweet voice, the hardness shatters. When I feel the gentleness of your sweet touch, the rage slumbers. And for a moment – oh, for but a precious moment – I can feel what it’s like to be a man without pain. That is what you do for me. That is what you mean to me. You may not be able to fix me, but by your presence, you make the pain livable.

Know that I will always pursue you, Love. And when my body gives way, I will pursue you with my mind. And when my mind gives way, I will pursue you across whatever plain of delirium befalls my old age until death. May you know this tonight as you gaze into the mist…


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