Those Words…

· Personal Reflections

‘I love you! Oh, God forgive me, I do!’ – Mina Murray to Dracula, ‘Bram Stoker’s Dracula’

‘I love you.’ The words that everyone wants to hear but no one wants to say. I usually try to write articles about what I’ve learned, but this one will be different. I’m going to write about a simple fact that I realized recently.

I’ve been reflecting a lot the past few days on my past ‘relationships’ and ladies I’ve pursued, trying to apply what I’ve learned. Over the years, I’ve made a very serious study and effort to perfect my understanding of women and my skills of interacting with them. That effort has forced me out of my comfort zone nearly every time I interact with a woman, and I’ve grown a great deal through it all. I’ve learned to communicate with women, to make them feel secure, special, and wanted, and to bear my heart to them by communicating my feelings. And I’ve been so consumed with trying to perfect myself that I’ve never realized that, out of the dozens of women I’ve pursued, I’ve never had a woman confess her feelings to me, never tell me, ‘I love you.’ Not one.

It’d be easy to dismiss it as a simple matter that none of them ever had feelings for me. And perhaps that may be the case. But I’ve frequently been told things like this: ‘You’re such a good friend to me!’ or ‘You’re so smart! You’re such a help to me,’ or even ‘You’re so handsome! Maybe we could party some time !’ And I’ve watched a few of them fall into breakup withdrawal and rejection when I move on to another girl. So I must conclude that it’s not a matter that I’m undesirable or that they don’t have feelings for me. It’s a matter that they refuse or fail to communicate those feelings, both to me and to themselves. Some of my international network lady friends are more open, but I suspect if they didn’t have the safety of the Internet and thousands of miles of distance, they’d be more reserved. Only once did a local woman ever even come close. Even then, it was a late-night text conversation of ‘I think you’re hot. I want to date you and have sex with you,’ and she had to get so drunk that she couldn’t stand up in order to say it. While I have to give her credit for trying and for doing what she had to do to communicate with me, that’s just sad.

Is it really so difficult for women to confess their feelings for a guy? Is it really any more difficult for them than it is for us guys? I understand that many women refuse to ‘make the first move’ and ask a guy out. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about a woman who is being pursued, has already had her guy bear his heart to her, and has already developed secret feelings for him, yet she refuses to tell him. Why do so many women prefer the confusion and heartbreak over just being straight with their men?

I’ve had a number of sources, mostly older and more experienced women, to tell me that I need to force the women in my life to admit their feelings because it’s an immaturity issue. My own experience tells me the same thing. I also refused to take the risk and communicate with girls until I matured. Whatever the case, I’d like to encourage my female readers to carefully weigh their communications with suitors. Relationships can be made or broken just as easily with what we do not say as with what we say.

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