I’ve often joked about having a ‘woman’ side to my nature, but in reality it isn’t a joke. It isn’t really a woman side, either. In truth, I’m not sure what it is, but after patterning my emotions for many years, it’s clear that it’s connected with the lunar cycle.
I know, I’m a scientist, and this sounds like nonsense. But I’ve known for years that my emotions wax and wane with the moon. I’ve even observed this phenomenon when I’m not consciously aware of the moon’s phase, but after experiencing difficulties and conflicts in my emotions, I then realize it’s usually near a full moon.
So what is this emotional cycle? I always experience extremely strong emotions. Over many years, however, I’ve learned to control and even hide them for the most part. But during a full moon, it’s like I feel everything at 1000%. The good, the bad, everything. I’m normally very emotionally stable, but during these times, I can become emotional over the craziest things. Sometimes, things from the past that I thought were buried and forgotten just decide to drop in for a fresh visit. As a scientist, I know that those things are phantoms of unresolved conflict and pain from my past. But why do they haunt me worse during the full moon? I wish I knew.
Even after nearly 40 years, my nature is still a bit of a puzzle even to me. Those who know me in person often tell me how collected and secure I am in myself. And while that may be true in many ways, there is still a very dark, unknown part of me that even I don’t understand.
Sometimes, I just have to howl at the moon.