Girls Q&A: Does playing hard to get work?

· Personal Investigations

I have to admit I have a lot of respect for the girl that asked this question online. Most girls who are inclined to play hard to get don’t question whether it actually works. Rather, they just do it assuming that it does. So does it really work with guys? Well, the answer is both yes and no. Let’s look at it closer.

True to human nature, guys tend to want what they can’t have, just like girls do. This is the basis of how playing hard to get does work on some guys. For many guys, there’s not much that beats a victory after a hard challenge, so they are quick to give chase after such a girl.

But in my observations and experiences, a girl playing hard to get presents the wrong path of pursuit to a guy. She effectively trains her pursuer to chase her for the victory itself. Whether that be seducing her, romancing her, marrying her, breaking down her walls, causing her to fall in love with him, or otherwise acquiring her, he gains a finite objective with her. And what happens after he reaches that objective? He’s done with the chase. He no longer has anything to pursue in her, so he either becomes bored with her or he moves on to another hunt. He has effectively learned to pursue her in a very superficial way rather than in an in-depth, enduring way.

A man’s pursuit isn’t simple or easy to classify. He may have many ways of pursuing different girls, and each pursuit is often uniquely distinct. Personally, I try to taylor my pursuit to each girl of interest. And if she presents to me this game of hard to get, I most often conclude that she’s either immature or she’s just looking to make a superficial connection with me. Since I have little interest in either possibility, I usually just drop her and move on.

So does playing hard to get really work? It works to attract guys who are not interested in pursuing a girl for enduring reasons. It works to attract guys interested in acquiring her. It works to attract immature guys who don’t know any better. It works to attract guys who are only in it for the chase and the victory. And if that’s what a girl is looking for in a guy, then by all means, she should play hard to get. But if a girl is interested in attracting the man who will pursue her as a person rather than as a victory prize, playing hard to get probably isn’t a good choice.

A Final Word
I’ve known a few girls who felt they needed to play hard to get because they felt that they were not interesting enough as a person to keep a guy’s attention if he ever saw through the games. I could write much more on how a truly mature man pursues a woman, but for now, I’ll just say this: A man who truly pursues a woman will pursue her. He will seek to know her and explore her as a woman, as a person, as a friend, and in any other way he can connect with her. Pursuit isn’t a performance for a prize. Pursuit is simply a means to ever more fully know, experience, and appreciate a woman for the person she is. And since a woman is always growing, changing, and developing, true pursuit of her will be ongoing and always engaging.

If you’re a girl who feels that she isn’t interesting enough to keep a man’s pursuit without playing games, I’ll conclude by kindly suggest these two things:

Make yourself more interesting. Develop yourself as a person. Learn a craft. Take up a hobby. Grow your passions. Build your career. Learn about the world around you. These things will become valuable to you. They’ll become a part of you. They’ll become valuable and interesting enough for a man to explore and pursue in you.

When a man of interest approaches you and begins pursuing you, don’t play games. Experience and enjoy the ride. Give him a chance. Don’t throw yourself at him, but don’t play tricks or put up a wall, either. Give him the challenge to know you rather than to have you. If he accepts that challenge, then experience and enjoy his way of pursuing you. It might be an experience that you want to last for a lifetime.

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