This is another of those frequently recurring questions I encounter in the singles community, and once again, I’ll take a few minutes to share my thoughts.
With a question such as this, it’s more a matter of the girl’s misunderstanding, and perhaps lack of maturity, that causes her to think she can be guaranteed to draw a response from a guy with certainty. She has been taught that men are just waiting for the green light to approach her, and she’s been taught that if she signals a guy with a smile or a wink, he’ll come running. Then when she encounters the guy who doesn’t, she’s confused, often believing that he isn’t getting her signals. That’s when she goes to the singles forums and asks other guys how she can make him notice her.
I find it disturbing how it never even occurs to these girls that he may already have noticed her and simply decided to not act upon it. They seem to think that if they present an opportunity, the guy is just going to take it without thought or reserve, as if he were some type of robot.
I understand that, as with many other dating problems I encounter, this is a residual effect of how society has recently ‘Homer Simpson-ized’ men and portrayed them as mindless automatons, and I understand that both guys and girls are now trying to overcome that stigma. And as part of that process, we all need to realize that guys have the choice to act. Just because a guy chooses to approach a girl doesn’t mean that she intentionally or unintentionally compelled him to approach. Just because he chooses not to approach doesn’t mean he just isn’t getting the message. Either way it means that he made his own decision. There is nothing she can do to make herself irresistible to him. It’s true that feminine charm can heavily influence a guy, but he isn’t helpless against it.
I hope that girls can take from this article the realization – and appreciation – that a guy’s attention or interest isn’t something she can have on demand. If he gives her his attention or if he approaches her, that’s something he chooses to do. It isn’t guaranteed to happen once, twice, or ever. And if he chooses not to, it doesn’t mean that he’s just a clueless fool that can’t read a girl’s signals. It just means he chose not to act.
I hope that guys can take from this the realization that we are not lesser men for not acting on a girls’ signals. We’re not helpless. We need to respect ourselves and ask that girls respect us by not treating us like automated drones that respond to their every whim and gesture. ‘A man chooses. A slave obeys.’ ~ Andrew Ryan, ‘Bioshock’
Ladies and gentlemen, we can do this.